From Ayu

This year I have a wild aspiration.
Actually last year, I had went for a ear inspection, and found out that my left ear has gone deaf and it's not treatable anymore.
Even so, I still wish to be a singer.
Thus, I will use the rest of my right ear to sing till it loses its function as well or till its very limit.
I will not give up.
I will not find any excuses.
As a professional singer, I will definitely give the best singing that I have to everyone.
Ganbatte.. Though I dislike such words.
Must ganbatte!!!! Must!!!!!!
Till that day arrives...

えっと。。。
No.205 2008年01月05日 (土) 1時13分

Hmm..
There's a lot of replies coming from everyone.. and even till now it's still not stopping yet..
Hmm.. regarding that... yes..

No matter when I will always try my best, using my own language to express all my thoughts and feelings to everyone.. I guess everyone should be able to understand me.

Yea, this is how I believe it.
Therefore, I decided to write it.
This has been kept secret in my heart.. without even telling my family and staffs whom I love..

No. Strictly speaking it's not like this..
I had only told mama about this. (Her godmother)
Regarding the fact that my left ear had completely lost its function..

Wanted to go to the hospital because I truly felt some changes in my ears..
Although I kept telling those around me that it's due to some new changes in the earphone..
Honestly, when the doctor told me it's not treatable anymore,
that it's too late, my mind just went blank.

Funny that somewhere in my heart I thought that if I took some time out to do the operation, it will be cured.
But I was wrong.

I can still remember the firm look on the doctor's face..
A pitying, very sorry look.

Therefore, I laughed.
Even though I dunno why, but I continue to laugh.
I said this and I laughed.
I quietly returned to my ward, surrounded by my beloved staffs.
However, please do not view what I'm going to say next in a pessimistic way.

I had accepted the fact.
Furthermore I'm not feeling despaired, instead I saw the light of hope.
Hope everyone could understand.

Reason being, didn't all of u said u want to become my left ear?
Didn't everyone said that in order to let me hear it, you will cheer for me even louder?
Correct?
Thus, I have to move forward together with my right ear-san.
I'm not forcing myself.
Because to me that's a happy matter.

Pleae do not worry!!!!!!!!!!!

From today onwards I will continue to move forward like this~~~!!!!
Yes, let's move on together!!!!!
I want to show u the dream
it wouldn't end, wouldn't disappear..
I want you to have such a dream.
That is my wish.
Thanks everyone... all of u... all of u...
Thank you mama (godmother)
Thank you,
my most beloved sister (Note, should be referring to her recently passed away sister, Natsuki)

Let's walk together 10th anniversary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

------------------------------------------------

I know she has gotten over it and has learnt to accept it, she's a truly strong person physically, mentally and in any other ways I can think of. Well, I'll still look forward to her every performance just like I used to and this feeling will never change. It has made me even surer that she's this one person that I'll want to keep supporting and respecting. She's not just a passer by in my life, she stepped into my life and walked an unforgettable journey with me. If I ever get to meet her or watch her live in person, I'll cheer as loudly as I can for her, so that when it reaches her I want it to sound as sincere and loud as her hearing through her both ears.